Planning for Aged Care
As we embark on this new series of reels, I want to start by making three key, overarching points.
This is not a binary choice
We are not a culture that keeps verbal records
You do need to do this, you are not too young
This is not a binary choice
The problem with planning for aged care, or working in a profession where you are trying to help people to plan for aged care, is that most Australians still think of this as a binary choice. They think that the choice is -
Age at home; or
Move into aged care.
A lot of the reason that this planning, or choice gets presented in this binary fashion is that we keep hearing horror stories from people being forced from their home into aged care against their wishes. The system does have certain presumptions that I don’t love, presumptions that once you reach a certain stage in the aging process you would, of course, want to move into aged care. In reality, most Australians don’t want to move into aged care, and so this tension gets a lot of focus. There are other choices though. If you are wondering what I mean by other choices, you can read more about that here.
Additionally, if you haven’t made certain choices, and written down certain preferences, the problem is that the people who make these decisions (including third parties who have the ability to commence proceedings in the Guardianship Tribunal) will have different opinions about the best choice for you. If the decision is binary, those people would probably all agree. If there are 12 different choices, it is unlikely that people will agree on the best choice for you.
Lastly if the decision was binary then you could put if off “until the time comes”. Because it is complicated, and each of the decisions actually has a lot of smaller decisions that go into facilitating it, you cannot put it off until you need care. If you want to watch the Instagram reel on this topic you can click here.
We are not a culture that keeps verbal records
There are many cultures that keep records verbally, we are not one of them. So please don’t tell me that your family knows what you want, unless you mean you have recorded your wishes in writing.
We are a culture that relies upon written records for important decisions. I don’t just mean, we rely upon Wills and other documents that lawyers draw up, but also we rely on written scripts for medicine, we rely on shopping lists to get the groceries, and we rely on calendars to make sure we don’t double book ourselves, or forget an event altogether. There is a reason that we use these types of written records every day, because we are a culture that relies on written records. Other cultures could collect a verbal shopping list from everyone in the house, and then go to the store and definitely purchase all of those items. We are not that culture.
What does this have to do with planning for aged care? When I talk to clients about planning for aged care I will get the same response 90% of the time, my family knows what I want. When I ask why, I either get a version of because I have told them, or because they know me. If you accept that these decisions are complex, that this is not some binary choice, then you are saying that your family can look at the dozens of choices before you and agree on what the best choice is for you. You are also saying that third parties, like social workers or hospital employees, won’t challenge your family on whether they have, in fact, made the best choice for you.
It has long been shown that if three people participate in a conversation they will walk away with a different impression of that conversation. Giving your family two sentences about what you want is not going to help in this complex situation. Giving your family a long, verbal explanation is not going to help because they will come away from that conversation with different impressions. Additionally, quite frankly, third parties won’t believe them.
In this culture if a decision is important it is reduced to writing. If you want your wishes to be taken seriously by third parties you are going to have to reduce them to writing. If you want to help your family, who will be stressed when they have to make these decisions, the most helpful and loving thing you can do is write all of this down. If you want to watch the Instagram reel on this topic you can click here.
I will make those decisions when I get there
The other thing that I hear from 90% of my clients, when “my family knows what I want” doesn’t work is “I will make those decisions later” or “I will make those decisions when I get there”. There are two issues with this line of thinking, firstly if not now then when, and secondly you don’t know when you will get there.
If you don’t start now, if you put this off til later, then when will you start? People do an incredibly good job of putting this off until later, and later, and later. This is why 50% of Australians don’t have a valid Will, like at all. Secondly this is best done when you have capacity, energy, and when you are not in a rush. The younger you are the better. If you need to tweak the plan later, great, but do it now, or at least start on it now.
The second point is, you don’t know when you will get there. What if you break your arm? Someone is going to have to come into your house and start moving your stuff because you cannot afford to be tripping over things. What is important? What can go in the bin? What can go to charity? Do you care if they throw out the wrong thing? Even without getting into the worst case scenario, and pointing out that you could have a sudden catastrophic injury at any time, you won’t regret making arrangements so that someone can meaningfully help you if you are suddenly needing help. What if you had to have your gall bladder removed suddenly? Is there a list somewhere of all of the phone numbers for the kids, for school, for the babysitter? Does anybody except you know which vet you use for your fur baby, or do you Google the phone number every time you call because you know the name? Where are your scripts for your medications? If you have income protection insurance, who is that with? In order for someone to help you they need all of this information. If you write down all of this information then not only can you hand it to someone to help you, but you will be able to find it more easily yourself. You don’t lose anything by starting this process now.
If you want to see the reel where I discussed this point you can click here.
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